It hasn’t been an easy week. The emotional roller coaster has been particularly nasty. One that leaves you queasy and makes you wanna throw-up. And throw-up she did, on friends and family who bore the brunt of it. She withdrew without any explanation from anything and everything that meant something to her. Her parents got worried that she sunk in books all day shunning meals to avoid dinner table conversation. She over heard her dad asking her mom, what’s the matter with her? Only Ro was relieved that she was not at his case like usual. Her best friend tried to help but she shut him out without an apology leaving him hurt and withdrawn. It was only at her work, where there is least emotional attachment that no one noticed anything different.
Now when she is done with her grieving, she began to notice the wrecks she left at the wake of her withdrawal. Her mom still looked sullen. Her dad seemed a little distant. Her best friend was remote and who can blame him. Thankfully, he hasn’t given up on her completely yet. It is only Ro who maintained normalcy going about his school talk just like any other day.
She feels guilty to have left her loved ones behind in her dive for inner quiet. Her ability to withdraw has always been retorted with anger and resentment. Unable to understand her stillness, Sanjay had called her an automaton. She didn’t feel bad then, knowing that his inherent inability to comprehend her, lies in his failure to understand the need for silencing the chorus in her head.
There are so many contradictions
In all these messages we send
How do I get out of here
Where do I fit in?
Though the world is torn and shaken
Even if your heart is breakin’
It’ waiting for you to awaken
And someday you will-
Learn to be still