Friday, February 13, 2009

I wish I was less of a wimp and more offensive as a person. I have been cheated, stolen from, abused, duped, taken for granted and I haven’t ever hit back. Except once. It was on a 31st December night when we were chased by a few loafers in front of Oberoi Grand. I had ignored till the point when I could feel the guy’s breath on my neck and his hand trying to grab indecently. I lashed out, complete unexpectedly. Surprising even myself. I abused and hit one of the men on the face with whatever I was carrying on my hand. A few tequila shots can do wonders. They froze in shock and fell back as we kept walking. My brother put his arms around me and said ‘You are the man’. That lightened the mood. On the ride back home they kept teasing me on my vitriolic vocabulary. That was just once. Never again have I ever confronted wrongs like the way I should have. Like when a person cut the queue and got in front of the line at movie theatre. Like when I found my airline seat (as assigned on the boarding card) taken by another without even an apology. Like when a co-passenger in a train promptly made her bed on the lower berth when I stepped out to use the restroom expecting me to climb and take her upper berth seat. Like when an old school mate turned neighbour went around saying the most obscene of lies about me. Like a co-worker who thrusts her company and takes a lift back home almost everyday but conveniently forgot to invite me to a gathering at her house where the rest of the office were. Like the acquaintance who invited me for lunch and ignored the bill when presented. All I did was glare at them when they were looking elsewhere or off late castigate them on harmless blog posts. I hate my ‘bhodrolok’ ways, where we are civil and well mannered even under extreme provocation. Now, it’s so well ingrained that even if I try I can’t shake it off. I hate my fear of disharmony which leads me, often to keep my opinion to myself to deescalate a situation. I hate my keenness to forgive that saps my ability to retaliate. I hate my fatalism that prompts me to accept things easily. I hate my fondness to be friends with even foes.
So this year, it is going to be different. God willing!

7 comments:

RustyNeurons said...

Way to go DC!
I was very much the same, I still am, but with strangers it is somehow easier - like people abusing your respect for the queues or people occupying your seats without even bothering to inform you, and people talking in movie theatres...
But with friends or acquintances, it is tough..
I hate it that I am like this, but trying hard to be candid now.
Good luck to us!

Pari said...

Amen :)
I am more like shouting and yelling if something wrong were to happen! Cant let people walk over me, its so ugh ! More so with friends! Frankly, I do not know how much of this attitude helps but its a nice feeling to let people know that you are not a pushover!

"SunShine" said...

Great !! I think while i was much younger i was at the other end of spectrum. Quick at reaction. Now at this end age I am turning like you. For my own people I forgive and forget. For strangers I don't pay the heed. Ignore them.

Dusty Fog said...

Finally!!! Finally!!!! Finally!!!!
By the way how come I have never be at the receiving end of the "earlier" you, and how is it that the "new" you is all i have ever known when it has been me you've been dealing with?!!! Best Bud privileges eh?!!!

Rambler said...

well I don't know..I mean I feel I want to be more offensive and sometimes more calmer..I guess I don't know what I want to be

DreamCatcher said...

rusty: Yes,I find it very difficult to confront people who are close :(

pari: I wish I wish I wish!

sunshine:I know I know...

dusty:You are asking for trouble here....you haven't YET seen the 'new' me!!!!Beware...

Shubhojit said...

Well as long as you are good people will continue to take advantage. So just be a bitch sometime with people who deserve it and then once they know that u bite, they'll think twice before messing with u :)