10.30AM. 91.9FM. ‘Wish you were here’
Parade of people; dead-and-in-touch, definitely-alive-but-not-in-touch, running through my head. It is amazing how one can be dead but be everywhere you want them to be and how one can be alive but not be anywhere when you need them the most. I am being selfish in my expectations. All of our priorities are so very personal. Should it hurts when someone is not available in anyway when all you want is to be there for that someone in everyway possible
Over the last two/three months, I have re-connected with old friends. The result was invigorating. We are back in each other’s lives and catch up on what’s cooking in our kitchens, the age tantrums of our kids who collectively are between 2 and 6 years. We knew each other as rambling schoolgirls. Now, all of us are mothers and managers, and life has changed in more ways than one. But still, it feels like homecoming when we all get together through varying time zones and geographies thanks to worldwideweb.
For a while now, I have known someone and a lot has happened over twilight and several shots of tequila. It felt ecstatic. I felt alive. I felt I had to do something about my life, which was in a limbo for years. So, I picked up courage to break away from an abusive relationship of nine years. I walked away from a life hereto familiar but one in which I was comfortably numb. They say when you love someone you ‘want’ to live. And so the journey began. All familiar equations changed. All that I knew till then, fell apart. All those I had known became strangers. Not only did I change the equation for myself, but also for someone I am responsible for. Was it difficult? Oh yes. It isn’t easy to let go of something traumatic when it’s the only thing you have known for a while. Pain at least was familiar. Bliss wasn’t. But the catalyst had arrived and change was inevitable. The days were no longer a laundry lists of ‘tasks-to-complete’. I began to enjoy the sunshine on my drive to work. I began to linger in the moments when I woke up in the morning. I actually thought of taking a vacation and surprisingly worked on it. I began to long for the familiarity, the terms of endearment, the secret jokes that only lovers share, the little intimate idiosyncrasies and the overwhelming joy of loving someone. It energized my mornings and calmed my nights and it made me fall in love with myself. We shared dreams and fantasies. We shared funny stories and laughter. We shared moments made in heaven. We shared passion and fervor. We shared secrets and fears. We shared all that two people in love can.