Friday, April 17, 2009

The Bong Quotient

You are a bona fide bong if:

  1. You are obsessed with either end or preferably both ends of the digestive system.
  2. You have an opinion on everything under the sun and believe it is your birth right to express it at every opportunity.
  3. You are an ardent practitioner of self-medication and offer solutions to the ones around you whether asked or not.
  4. You wear glasses – higher the ‘power’ the better.
  5. Your grandmother fed you fish heads when you were a kid promising to make you smarter in math although you have never actually seen a fish of any variety solve algebra.
  6. You are obsessed with numbers and force-rank every one/thing from physicians to space satellites and take offence when contradicted.
  7. You wear egg-sized gemstones on more than two fingers and most likely dangle mini metal contraptions containing holy flowers/ashes on the various covered and uncovered parts of your body to ward of evil and make yourself invincible.
  8. You have tried homeopathy at least once in your life. Better still you have practiced it after learning from an old handbook bought from a used-book store.
  9. You are an expert in palmistry. Again, learnt from a second-hand Kiro book bought off the pavement.
  10. You insist on screaming your companion’s name in public least he or she gets lost in a crowd. The rule is followed with equal zest in movie theatres, malls, railway compartments, aircrafts and parks.
  11. You believe Rabindranath Thakore is the greatest literary figure of all times. The others who count are either English or French.
  12. You bargain even at paid public toilets.
  13. You smell a ‘chokranto’ (grave conspiracy) every time any thing slightly negative is written against illustrious bongs like Sourab or Pronob (irrespective of your political leaning).
  14. You love sleeping in the afternoon.
  15. You know all the rights of citizens of India. However, every time responsibilty is discussed you smell a 'chokranto'.


wiseling said...

I had something else to write here and then I noticed that your word-veri had 'bong' in it and in my amusement, forgot what I was originally setting out to say. So I guess I have nothing to say.
Umm.. I'm not a bong.

Rambler said...

the first one cracked me up

DreamCatcher said...

@wise: if you ever come across the said species, you will know :)

@rambler: thanks..and this is the truth!