Pigs On The Wings

She hates twilight. She has hated it for as long as she can remember. More so, as it descends on a city that isn't her home. She had only ever told him and no one else. As the darkness seeps in, blotting away the last light of the day, she contemplates her heightening desolation. The peace of living outside of her real life, for a day, is rudely overtaken by the crowding feeling of isolation. In a city brimming with people, company was just a dial away. But it is not a warm shoulder or a chilled drink that she seeks. She misses her happy disposition and her effortless smile. Perhaps it is the spill over tiredness from the last few days, perhaps it is the mistake of giving too much of herself. This will have to go away she tells herself, as she curls up in bed, waiting for sleep.

i Alone

Today she is irritated with herself. It is not like her to get distracted this easily. But when she found herself unable to focus on the task at hand, it puzzled her. The distractions were many but there is one particular one that seems to bother her the most. Like a tiny piece of meat stuck in between her teeth, it constantly reminded her of her predicament. Try as she might, it was impossible to dislodge the thought. More she contorted her mind to be rid of it, the more menacingly firm it remained. Finally she decided to accept the situation and wait for it to melt away after a while. The anticipation of the ambiguous emotions that were aroused in its wake was something she knew she had to tackle alone. She whispered to herself, 'I alone love you' from an old forgotten song and wrapped her arms around herself the best she could and waited for the uneasiness to pass. 

say Something!

Today was that day. The album released last month on the 7th and I resisted listening to it since, even on the radio. But today I gave in to the temptation and downloaded it. Predictably, a marathon session of all our favourite songs followed. It took hours and I listened to them all, yes, alone. For the first time in the last 10 years. You would have loved their latest album. It is all that we love about the band - their sounds; the escapist metaphors; the abstract feeling of void that creeps in slowly till it engulfs and swallows you whole; the unreasonable restlessness and the discomfort it evokes in our uneventful lives. We should have listened to it together. Except you are dead and I am having to have this conversation in my head. Do you realise how painful that is? Having no one to understand, that subtle shifts of emotions, that pain that is apparently still as raw, and that empty hole that you have left in my heart? It will be insignificant to say that I miss you. You took a part of me with you and I can never ever find myself again, the way I did with you. Now, I want that part back. Ten years is too long a time to have to live without it. I am not giving up on us, yet. 

Hahazaaro.n Khvaahishe.n aisii ki har Khvaaish pe dam nikale

She looks out of the window. White clouds float in the sparkling azure sky. Her dreams were many. But she has learned to let go. It doesn’t hurt anymore.

He looks out of the window. The brightness hurts his eyes. He lost all his dreams and the pain remains. Why did he let her go?

Lyrics: Mirza Asadullah Beg Khan/Ghalib 27th Dec 1796-15th Feb 1869

Singer: Jagjit Singh